Don't Take My Stuff
by AutumnFroste
Summary: Ross is greeted by Iron Man and Black Widow in his office early one morning after violating Tony's ONE Rule- Don't. Take. My. Stuff.
General Ross flipped the lights on as he walked into his office at his secret military base. After seeing Iron Man was sitting on his couch nonchalantly reading a magazine and Black Widow sitting at his computer playing a game of solitaire, he realized the base wasn't a secret any longer.

Tony had his face plate open and glanced up from his magazine, "I made coffee." Tony raised his Styrofoam cup in a "cheers" fashion. "Do you actually use any of these weapons that this magazine advertises? They're all so… primitive," Tony said with disgust.

Ross rolled his eyes as he walked over to the coffeemaker. He heard Natasha's game end with the hoots and hollers that came from winning a game of Solitaire. Ross poured some cream and sugar into his coffee and stirred.

"Geez, Tasha that makes how many games you've won now," Tony asked.

She gave him a smile, "Some of us are better at cards than others." She made a few clicks with the mouse and shook her head, "Doesn't look like Thaddeus here has won a single game." She made a clucking sound with her tongue. She began a new game.

Tony looked appalled, "And you a general! That's shameful."

"Maybe we should install Risk for him while we're here. He might have better luck."

"Probably too complicated. After all, he broke my one major rule," Tony's voice went from joking to dark in a matter of syllables.

"That is true. Even Fury knew better than to break _that_ rule," Nat said clicking along. She gave the appearance of being bored and not paying attention, but she saw Ross's hand inching toward his panic button. Before he knew it she had her gun pointed at him, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. It's a good way to lose a hand." She never looked up from the computer screen. Ross had no doubt that she wouldn't miss the shot either. "Now that you're here and I've beaten my thirty seventh game of Solitaire in a row, the three of us are going to have a little chat." She shrugged, "Well, I say chat, but what I really mean is you're going to sit there while I decide on the various ways to torture you. For example," Natasha looked up at Ross and studied him, "I don't know, what do you think, Tony?"

Tony dragged a rather uncomfortable chair that he and Nat had gone over to make sure a man like Ross could not escape from to a wall from the middle of Ross's spacious office. Framed pictures were hanging a few feet above where Ross's head was going to be. Tony pointed at the chair. Ross just looked at him.

Tony blinked at him, "You're supposed to sit. Do I need to give you a memo?" Tony snickered, "I doubt you could read it anyway." Ross just stood there. "All right, General, it's like this: you either sit down on your own or I sit by and watch as the Red Menace does it for you. I frankly don't give two fucks how you sit down, especially since you broke my rule. So sit the FUCK DOWN, or she'll make you."

Ross stared at Tony and gritted his teeth. He finally sat down in the chair. He was still holding his coffee cup.

Nat glanced at Ross, "You'd better drink that up before it gets cold." She made a face, "Cold coffee's disgusting."

Natasha was still sitting behind his desk at the computer. Tony glanced her way, "You find anything interesting?"

"Yeah, he's not winning any 'Father of the Year Awards'; on top of being an all-around winner of assholiness, he's a sick fuck, too." Natasha looked up at him, "You record your daughter's conversations in the bedroom with her husband! That's gross. That's like a layer of gross that's just… Eww. I deal with some sick fucks but you are getting up there. This also violates her restraining order against you; I'm delighted to say."

"You can't use that in court. It's illegal search and seizure," Ross screeched.

"But that's where you're wrong; this beauty," Natasha got up and ran her hand slowly over the CPU that was sitting on his desk, "this, is government property, and anything that's on it can be seized and used for the government. This is where the United States and Russia do not differ."

"Did I ever tell you that you were actually very good when you worked for me in legal," Tony said.

Nat shrugged, "What can I say? I'm good at what I do. Did I mention how none of this is government sanctioned?" She waved her hand in a circle.

Natasha walked over to Ross and ran her fingers gently down his face, "Now, tell me, where is Doctor Banner?" Her fingers softly running over the skin on his face and down his neck.

"Go to Hell!" His thick grey mustache twitched.

"I'm sure I'll get there eventually, but I'm comforted by knowing I'll have you for company." She smiled an evil smile as her gauntlets powered on glowing blue against the general's face. "Tell us where he is," she wrapped her hand around the front of his throat. "This is the only time I'm going to ask nicely."

Ross looked at her, "You call this asking nicely?"

Tony snorted, "For her, yeah that's actually really nice. I promise that if she asks again you won't like it."

Ross glared at them, "What makes you think I even have him?" From outside the room Hulk suddenly roared, Tasha raised an eyebrow.

"Now here's the question of the day: do I march you out there and let him have you, or do you want me to go calm him down?"

"I could just call Betty, and she'd come calm him down," Ross sneered.

Tony looked at Ross, "I have no doubt that Hulk wouldn't hurt Betty, but that doesn't mean that she's gonna calm him down. That just means that he's gonna skip town with her because he views you, your men, and their equipment, all as threats. Now, as for your men and your equipment, well, that's a different story. They're all going to be wrecked."

Ross gasped, "He won't do that! You won't let him."

"Who said it was going to be him?" Tony smiled manically.

"Tony, your evil scientist is showing," Nat said green eyes sparkling.

"I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about the redheaded Russian that's standing in front of you." Tony put his hand up beside his mouth like he was whispering some great secret. "I know a thing or two about redheads, being as my girlfriend and CEO is a redhead and the number one thing you have to remember is, don't make them angry. You won't like them when they're angry." Tony chuckled, "Kinda like Bruce and, from the sounds outside this room, I definitely think you made him angry."

Natasha still had a light grip on Ross's neck, "And if there's anything I've learned about Tony from all these years, it's don't take his stuff. Guess what? Bruce Banner is his stuff. You'd do well to remember that."

Ross was seething with anger. He tried to get up out of the chair while he swung his arm with the coffee cup toward Nat, spilling his coffee all over his lap. She had been expecting it at any time. She blocked his forearm with her gauntlet while pushing him back into the chair. He hit his head hard enough against the wall for several of the pictures to fall off and break on top of his head, which was the idea of putting him in that spot. He tried to get up again. Nat looked over at Tony and rolled her eyes as she threw a small disc on him, electrocuting him into unconsciousness.

"Did you get what you needed off the computer," Tony asked. Nat glared at him. He held both his hands up, "Okay, I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget how good you are. You hide it well; you can't blame me for it." They reached a corridor where they had to choose left or right. "So which way?"

"You go left, and I go right," Nat suggested.

"Don't get killed."

Nat smiled, "You do care. You either, you big jerk." She ran down the corridor and followed the sounds. Sure enough, she found a green giant. "I found him, Tony. Lock onto my signal, and come to me. And give me some room to work with. Just in case Ross did more harm than we know."

"Roger. Be there in a few. I found some equipment to take my anger out on first."

"Remember, the most important part of the job is to have fun," Nat said cheerily.

Tony smiled; he did care for her, not that he'd ever tell her that.

Nat put her guns up and slowly approached Hulk who was sitting on the floor of a SHIELD designed cell. The cell had the capability of being able to flip from transparent to solid in a manner of keystrokes. Currently it was transparent. Nat cautiously approached the cell.

"Hey, Big Guy."

"Tasha!"

"You ready to go home?" Hulk nodded enthusiastically. "Me, too." Natasha looked through the room and found the tablet to make the cell unlock. She pressed the right key sequence, and he stepped out of the cell. Natasha had a tear run down her face.

"What's wrong, Tasha?"

"I missed you." Hulk picked her up and hugged her.

"Hulk missed you, too. Bruce wants to talk. Says we can talk again later."

"I'd like that, Hulk." Nat kissed him on his cheek. She swore she saw his cheeks turn red underneath the green.

As Hulk turned to Bruce, as soon as he got to a more manageable size, Natasha grabbed him and helped him not hit the hard floor.

He looked up into her eyes, "I missed you so much. I'm so sorry." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. He tried to put every feeling he felt about her since he left into that kiss, and she felt all of them. They were both relieved to feel one another in the other's arms.

Later that night after they got back to the Tower, they showered together and lay in bed, not wanting to let the other go. They talked, catching each other up on what happened in each other's lives.

Suddenly, Bruce smiled and chuckled, "Something just hit me. I saved you from Ultron. You saved me from Ross. It's your turn to be saved again."

Nat lightly smacked his arm, "As long as it's you saving me."


End file.
